The Sound of White
by MarlyCook
Summary: Rory took a deep breath, seeing the beautiful girl laying down on the big couch, blankets piled on her frail body. Her hair not as full as it was in the picture and her eyes dark. Somewhat Literati. Post finale.
1. The Sound of White

_The Sound of White  
PG-13  
This is my first try and something very serious in a work of fiction. But I hope you enjoy. I happen to adore this story and I hope you do too.  
__I own Haven Brooks. Beautiful Haven Brooks. And that is all  
_

* * *

_Like a freeze-dried rose, you will never be  
What you were, what you were to me-a memory,  
But if I listen to the dark,  
You'll embrace me like a star,  
Envelope me, envelope me ..._

* * *

She was nervous, her hands fumbling with her sock hat as she stared at the wooden door in front of her. She didn't know when he moved out of Truncheon, but the address she was given led her here. It was a nice building, almost too nice for Jess Mariano to be living there.

Her hand had a mind of it's own, racking against the wood in front of her. She heard the knock echo and she winced, wishing she wouldn't have done it. There was silence, except a soft sliding sound getting closer to her.

She heard a few clicks, she assumed was locks, and then the door opened. He had morning stubble and his hair was a mess. His brown eyes looked completely exhausted. "Rory," he said, completely shocked. "Are you okay?"

Rory smiled and pushed her hair behind her ears. "Of course I am, but ... are you?" She gave him a once-over. His grey t-shirt tight agains his chest and his wind pants black and hanging at his feet.

He nodded meekly, giving her a small smile. "Yeah. I'm fine, just tired." His finger rested on each side of the bridge of his nose, pressing into the corners of his eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"I... wanted to see you," Rory said, shrugging slightly. "Is this a bad time?"

"No," Jess said, quickly, "no. It's just ... my girlfriend. She's resting. I'm trying to be quiet."

"I can come another time," she mumbled, shrugging. Girlfriend. She never even thought he'd have a girlfriend.

"No," he smiled, reaching out and grabbing her arm, softly pulling her in. "We'll just be kind of quiet and ... stay in the kitchen. You came all this way."

"I know," Rory said, laughing quietly. "I haven't talked to you since mom's wedding. You said you'd keep in touch."

Jess smiled at her, softly, almost sympathetically. "I got really busy in the last six months," he said, sighing. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Rory said with a smile. "So girlfriend, huh? Recent?"

"Three years," Jess said, shrugging. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys about her, she couldn't make it to the wedding."

"What's her name?" Rory asked, softly, careful not to make a loud noise.

"Haven," Jess said, smiling up at Rory. He nodded over at the kitchen counter to a picture of her. "That's her."

Rory looked over and couldn't help but smile. She was very pretty. Very light blonde hair, almost white, with pale skin, and big green eyes. She looked so happy, her arms wrapped around Jess' neck. He wasn't looking at the camera.

She didn't have that slutty look, but had a very natural and beautiful look about her. Rory took a deep breath, feeling a pang in her chest. "She's gorgeous."

"Thank you," Jess smiled, looking at the picture. She could see it, even if he didn't want her to. A slight sadness in his eyes.

"Jess?" A soft voice called from the other room. "We have company?"

Rory could hear the smile in her voice as she spoke and couldn't help but smile herself.

"Yeah, Haven," Jess called back to her, not turning to look behind him. "Don't get up!"

"I want to see the company," she called back, her voice not as loud as Jess'. Rory could hear a sigh come from the other room and gave Jess a confused look.

"We'll come in there!" Jess called back to her and nodded to Rory. "Come on." He walked to the swinging door and pushed it open, leading her into the living room.

Rory took a deep breath, seeing the beautiful girl laying down on the big couch, blankets piled on her frail body. Her hair not as full as it was in the picture and her eyes dark. She glanced at Jess who walked over to Haven and kissed her head.

"Good nap?" He asked her.

"Yes," Haven said, slightly annoyed. She looked up at him and then to Rory. "Don't be rude. Introduce me."

Jess smiled down at her and then up at Rory. "Haven, this is Rory Gilmore. Rory, Haven Brooks."

Rory smiled at her, feeling a knot in her throat. "Nice to meet you, Haven."

"You too," Haven smiled. "I've heard a lot about you."

"Really?" Rory asked with a smile. "I'm flattered ... or was it bad?"

Haven laughed, shaking her head. "It was good. You're how I imagined you. Jess is very good with descriptions."

"He is a writer," Rory said, smiling at Jess.

Jess rolled his eyes, sitting down on the chair beside her.

"He's so modest," Haven said, teasingly. She put her hand on his and squeezed it with as much strength as she could muster and that wasn't much.

"We aren't here to talk about me. She's meeting you," Jess said, after a sigh. He looked up at Rory with a grin.

It was Haven's turn to roll her eyes. "Like that's a cheerful subject," she looked at Rory and gave a gentle smile. "I'm sorry you had to meet me like this." And just as she said it, her nose started bleeding. Both nostrils. It broke Rory's heart, but Jess was unphased.

He grabbed a handful of tissue and slowly pressed it to her nose, kissing her temple. "Can you hold it on your own?"

It pained her to do it, but Haven shook her head no. She was completely useless and weak and that killed her.

Rory watched the scene in front of her with wet eyes. He was so caring and gentle with her. She looked away, not wanting to make Haven feel awkward.

"Rory," she heard, from a gentle voice.

She turned her head and met Haven's eyes. Haven smiled at her. "Will you stay for dinner?"

"Are you sure?" Rory asked, glancing over at Jess. Jess just shrugged, smiling a little at her.

"Why not?" He asked, rubbing Haven's hand as he wiped her nose. "I'm cooking."

She paused, thinking about it before she nodded. She couldn't turn Haven down. It was almost like turning down a child. "Absolutely. I don't really have plans."

Haven smiled at her and looked up at Jess, her eyes shutting slowly. Jess smoothed back her hair and kissed her forehead. "Get some rest. I'll wake you when the food is done."

"I don't want to fall asleep on company," Haven said, weakly.

Jess held her face, looking into her eyes. "You need to rest, Haven. I'll wake you up."

She sighed and nodded, closing her eyes. "Make sure he doen't burn down the kitchen, please, Ms. Gilmore."

Rory laughed and nodded. "No problem." She stood up and waited on Jess to guide her back to the kitchen. He stood, lightly dropping Haven's hand, and followed Rory back into his kitchen.

To Rory, he looked so helpless.

So broken.

But to Haven, he looked like Superman.

* * *

_Review? More soon. _


	2. Fix You

_The Sound of White  
R  
This chapter might be upsetting to hardcore Literati fans. I love Jess/Rory, but I can manage to see sex with another character. I'm sorry if it upsets you, but keep reading!  
I own my Haven Brooks. _

* * *

_And the tears come streaming down your face_  
_When you lose something you can't replace_  
_When you love someone, but it goes to waste_  
_Could it be worse?_

* * *

"What's wrong with her?" Rory asked, after a few minutes of watching him cook. She was curious and he hadn't said a word since they walked back into the kitchen.

"She's sick," he answered, shortly, not turning to look at her.

Rory sighed, softly and looked down at her hands folded on the counter. "I can see that, Jess," she said, quietly. "But what is wrong with her?"

Jess stopped in front of the stove. His head hung slightly and he sighed before turning and meeting Rory's eyes. It was more serious than she thought.

"How bad is it?" Rory asked, her voice barely audible.

"The cancer is eating her alive," Jess said, his voice unsteady with emotion.

Rory stared at him. She wasn't familiar with medical terms and she didn't know which sickness was more dangerous than the other. "What kind of cancer? Breast? Lung? Cervical?"

"It's Leukemia," Jess said, stopping her before she could go on. "Cancer of the blood. She's had it for a year. She's been through chemotherapy and the doctors say she doesn't have much time, but we're hoping. She's positive, always has been. I'm ... not. I'm scared and I don't know what to do to help her." He paused, taking a deep breath. "I feel like I'm failing her. I want to do something for her, make her better, but I can't. I just sit and I watch her die a little more every day and I can't stop it."

With tears in her eyes, Rory walked over to him and pulled him close, hugging him tightly. Jess closed his eyes and slowly wrapped his arms around her small frame, hugging her back. He buried his face in her hair and took another deep breath.

"What do I do, Rory?" Jess asked, completely vulnerable.

"Do what you're doing now," Rory said, rubbing his back. "You're being here for her and you're giving her what she needs. Keep doing it."

"It's so hard to sit there and be strong for her, Rory," Jess said, his voice different than she remembered. He never let himself show emotion around her before.

Rory sighed, a twinge of her never wanting to let go. "You have to," she said, pulling back and looking him in the eyes. "She needs you."

Jess could only nod, looking anywhere but at Rory. "Thanks, Ror. I don't know why you're here, but ... I'm glad you are."

* * *

"Thanks for coming," Jess said, leaning against the door as he watched Rory walk out. "And staying for dinner. I really enjoyed it and I know Haven did."

"I did too," Rory said, turning to look at him when she got outside. "I'm going to stay in town for a little while, okay?"

"Good," he grinned, running his hand through his hair. "I want you to. And come back soon. It gets a little lonely around here for Haven. Maybe you can come tomorrow so I can go back to work for a day?" He asked, hopefully.

Rory nodded with a smile. "I'd like that. I'll come by tomorrow morning?"

"That'd be great," Jess said, stepping outside and kissing her cheek. Rory smiled up at him and ruffled his hair, turning on her heel to walk back to her car. Before she opened the door, she heard him call her name. She looked up and he was walking to her.

"Yeah?" Rory asked, hesitantly as he got closer to her.

"Why did you come here?" Jess asked, leaning against her car. "I just have to know why you came to Philadelphia in the first place. For work? Or what?"

Rory listened to him and sighed softly. "We can talk about it later, okay?"

He started to argue, but she looked very definite in her answer. He nodded slowly and gave her car a pat before turning and walking back to his home.

Once he was back inside, he walked back into the living room and saw Haven struggling to get up. He quickly walked over to her, picking her up. She had lost so much weight and carrying her was so easy.

Instead of arguing, like she usually did, Haven rested her head on his shoulder. "I like her," she said, quietly.

"Me too," Jess said, kissing her forehead.

Haven smiled softly, letting him lay her down on the bed and undress her. He walked to the dresser and pulled out other clothes for her.

"Jess?" She called to him, closing her eyes.

"Hm?" Jess mumbled, rummaging through the dresser for a t-shirt she could wear. He heard the bed squeak and he turned to see her sitting up, resting back on her elbows. He tilted his head slightly, questioningly.

She bit her bottom lip as she looked at him. Tears welling up in her big eyes. He was instantly concerned, bunching the shirt in his hand and walking back over to her.

"What is it, baby?" Jess asked, his hand resting on her cheek and his thumb brushing away a tear.

"I wish you still looked at me like you used to," Haven said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Jess furrowed his brow in confusion as he listened to her. "How is that?"

"Like you want me," she said, her voice cracking as she tried to hold back tears. The knot in her throat was tight and she used her own hand to wipe her eyes.

"I do want you," Jess said, still honestly confused.

Haven shook her head, "No. I mean physically want me. You look at me like I'm broken and I need you to look at me with the same amount of lust and love you used to."

"I'm just worried, Haven," Jess said. "You don't rest enough."

"Yes I do!" Haven argued, her breath hitching. "I rest too much. I want to go to the beach or Stars Hollow. And if not that, I just want to be taken on a date."

He listened to her, feeling terrible for keeping her in like a prisoner. "I'm sorry, Haven. You're right ... I should let you do what you want to do. But you have to understand, I'm just trying to keep you."

"What's the point of keeping me if you won't do anything with me?"

"What do you want me to do?" Jess asked, softly, staring into her eyes.

She was silent for the longest time, just staring back at him with weak eyes. He didn't move. He didn't say anything. He just waited for an answer and he would give her anything she wanted.

"Make love to me," she finally muttered.

Jess inhaled a sharp breath, staring at her with intensity. She was so frail, he didn't want to break her. He had longed to touch her like he used to, but was so scared he'd hurt her. If he hugged her too tight, she'd bruise. What would sex do to her?

"Please," she said, softly, watching him.

He finally nodded, leaning forward and catching her lips in a soft kiss. His hands came up to cradle her face and moved her up on the bed as he did so. He pulled back and looked down at her, smiling softly.

Jess moved his hands down to her bra and undid the front clasp, letting the cups fall. He gently cupped her breasts, peppering kisses on her neck and chest. He heard a soft moan escape her lips and he felt himself get aroused.

Her hands pushed up at his shirt in a weak attempt to pull it off. He leaned back on his knees and threw his shirt off, pushing down his wind pants while he was at it. When he got them to his knees, he leaned back down on the bed and kicked them off.

Her hands made their way to his back. Her palms pressed against his shoulder blades as she pulled him back down to kiss her again. He did so, his mouth devouring hers in a battle of passion.

"Jess," Haven cooed, softly, bucking her hips up gently. "Get these off."

Jess only nodded, his hands running down her sides and his thumbs hooking in her panties. He slid them down her legs and kissed down her body as he did so. Haven bit her lips, her eyes closed tightly.

"Tell me if it's too much," Jess said, softly, removing his boxers and letting them land with the rest of his clothes on the ground.

"I love you," Haven said, looking up at him as he hovered over her. He gentle carressed her face, afraid to go further. She smiled and leaned up to kiss him, using all of her strength. "Don't stop," she whispered against his lips.

Jess nodded and spread her legs apart with his knee, leaning down to kiss her neck. She tilted her head and closed her eyes, anticipating being filled physically and emotionally by Jess. He slowly pushed the head of his penis into her opening, watching her face for any discomfort.

When he saw her face was content, he pushed further, kissing her softly as he entered her all of the way. She gasped against his lips, her hands squeezing his shoulders, but not enough for him to feel.

"You okay?" He whispered against her temple. When he felt her nod, he pulled out and went back in, holding back a groan.

"Jess," Haven whispered, her hips moving with him. "Go faster."

Jess kissed down her neck and to her breasts, kissing her taut nipples as he thrust into her. He didn't know if he could hold out long, he hadn't been inside of her in so long.

Haven arched her back up into him and he placed his hand on the small of her back, guiding himself in and out in a steady rhythm. She moaned against him, her head buried into his neck.

His other hand went down in between them and flicked at the bundle of nerves as he continued to pump into her. He rubbed her clit in a circular motion, his movements staying at the same pace.

She moaned and whimpered, whispering his name over and over as she writhed under him.

"Come on," Jess encouraged, kissing her neck. "Come on, baby."

She always loved hearing him talk to her and he knew that. It turned her on so fast when he talked to her during sex. She shook under him, tightening around him as her orgasm hit her hard.

Jess breathed hard, resting his forehead on her chest as he came after her. He held himself up with all of his strength, careful not to crush her. "Are you okay?"

Haven nodded, calming down. "God yes ... that was amazing."

He only chuckled, rolling off of her and bringing her close. He ran his hand through her hair and calmed his breathing as he held her. He stayed like that for a while, letting himself cool down after he made love to his girlfriend. "Haven?"

Haven looked up at him, her half-closed. "Yeah, Jess?"

"Marry me," he said, softly, looking into her eyes. She always wanted to be married. She told him about her dreams of what her wedding would be like and he listened, loving her descriptions. He wanted to give her this. He wanted to marry her before she left him.

"Absolutely," Haven said, smiling at him. She placed her hand on his cheek and kissed him, her body completely exhausted.

* * *

_Lights will guide you hom_  
_And ignite your bones_  
_And I will try to fix you_

* * *

_Please don't kill me, Lit lovers! I love them too! Review?_


	3. Run To You

_The Sound of White  
PG-13  
Thank you so much for all of the reviews, I think if you keep reading you will learn to love the story as much as I do.  
I own Haven Brooks._

* * *

_I need you here _  
_I need you here to wipe away my tears _  
_To kiss away my fears _  
_If you only knew how much... _

* * *

Rory opened her eyes slowly, blinking until they adjusted to the light. She looked around and remembered where she was. She glanced up at the clock and stood up, walking back to Jess' room. Easily, she pushed open the door, seeing Haven sitting up and looking at the TV in front of her.

"Hey," Haven said, seeing Rory walk in the room. She smiled at her and turned down the TV. "How long have you been here?"

"I got here kind of early and Jess told me to crash on the couch," Rory said. "He said you'd be asleep for a while."

"I'm so sorry," Haven said, looking completely upset. "I am an awful host. Please come sit with me."

With a nod, Rory walked over to the bed and sat next to Haven. She assumed she was sitting on Jess' side and her stomach did a flip. She ran her hand across the pillow, her heart beating fast while she thought of sleeping next to Jess Mariano. She shook her head to clear the thoughts and glanced up at Haven.

"Jess has told me a lot about you, you know?" Haven said with a small smile. "He really loves you."

"No, Haven," Rory said, shaking her head. "Jess loves you."

Haven smiled at Rory, her breathing a little labored. "I know he does. Jess loves me very much and I know that, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. He may be in love with me, but you've always had a piece of his heart."

Smiling softly, Rory looked down at her hands resting in her lap. "I love Jess, too. He's a really great guy and you're very lucky to have him."

"I know," Haven smiled. "He can be an ass, but I am completely in love with him."

That satisfied Rory. She leaned back on the bed beside Haven and looked up at the ceiling, letting silence settle around them.

"I love your story," Haven said, looking at Rory. "The Jess and Rory story. It's so upsetting, but it's really good to know that Jess has experienced heartbreak, you know? He's normal. He tells it to me when I'm really sick or just exhausted. But, he knows I love celebrities so usually you're Reese Witherspoon and he's Patrick Dempsey. It's hot."

Rory laughed, shaking her head at her. "How do you not get jealous or upset when you hear about him and his past love life?"

"You're his past, Rory. And possibly his future," Haven said, looking at her seriously. "But I am his present and I know he loves me."

Rory wanted to say something about her comment on Jess' future, but decided against it. She only nodded with a small smile. "Can I ask you another question?"

"Absolutely," Haven smiled. "Ask away."

"How are you so positive about all of this? About ... leaving Jess and this world and... dying?" Rory asked, staring at her with intensity. She didn't know how to word the question without just coming out and saying it.

"Want me to be honest?" Haven asked, earning a nod from Rory. She nodded herself and smiled softly. "I am not scared, because ... I won't be weak anymore when I die. I won't be in pain or sick or exhausted. And now, I'm not scared of leaving Jess, because I know he'll be taken care of. I trust _you _to take care of him, Rory. Please, promise me you will."

It was a very hard thing to agree to, but Rory couldn't stop herself. Before she knew it, she was nodding. "I promise."

Haven smiled at her, softly. "Thank you. Now let's have some girl talk ... enough of this seriousness."

Laughing, Rory nodded and leaned back against the pillows. She liked Haven and she could feel herself getting attached to her.

* * *

Jess walked in the apartment, setting his keys down on the counter top. He listened for a noise and heard nothing. He walked over to his bedroom and opened the door, smiling a little as he saw Haven sleeping soundly and Rory sleeping next to her.

He stayed in his spot, leaning against the doorway with a small smile. The door softly hit against the wall and he noticed Rory stir and sit up. She locked eyes with him and smiled, running her hand through her hair.

She slowly got up and walked over to him, walking out of the room. He pulled the door close to let Haven rest and smiled at Rory. "Have fun today?"

"Yeah," Rory smiled, sleepily. "We haven't been sleeping long. I really like her, Jess."

Jess grinned, looking down at his feet as he crossed his arms. "I do too. Listen, her mom is coming to visit her tonight. Would you mind going somewhere with me?"

Rory shook her head, smiling. "Not at all. Where are we going?"

"I'll tell you later. Let me change and tell Haven goodbye." Jess said, "I'll have to call her mom to make sure she's on her way."

"Okay," Rory said with a nod as she walked to the couch.

* * *

Rory leaned her head against the car window, riding with him into downtown Philadelphia. She glanced over at him, watching him as he stared intently at the road in front of him. He seemed like he was deep in thought. "Where are we going?"

"Jewelry store," Jess said, simply, snapping out of his daze for a moment.

"Getting Haven a gift?" Rory asked with a grin, looking at him.

Jess glanced at Rory quickly before looking back at the road. "I proposed to her, Ror. I'm gonna get her a ring. And I really need your help, because I am honestly not good at it."

She was stunned and tried to hide the shock on her face. A part of her wanted to disappear and not be sitting in the car with Jess. She was helping him pick out an engagement ring. Sure, she adored Haven, but this was tough. "Oh ... you wan- you want my help?"

"Please," Jess said, parallel parking on the street next to a small jewelry store. Rory stayed silent as he parked and got out of the car. She waited by the passenger side until Jess came around to her. "Let's go."

Rory walked inside with him, looking around at all of the rings. It was tough, after turning down Logan's proposal, to see engagement rings again. She took a deep breath and walked over to the counter with Jess as he gazed down in the glass.

She tried to help him without daydreaming about one of them on her ring finger. She sometimes regretted saying no to Logan, but it wouldn't be fair to him. She wasn't committed.

"What do you think?" Jess asked, looking up at her. "What do you see that screams Haven?"

Laughing, Rory looked back down at the rings. "Well ... it hasn't jumped out at me yet," she said, looking over the diamonds. She spotted one in the back and smiled, softly. It definitely wasn't the Rory ring, but it was Haven. It had Haven written all over it.

The Leo Collection.

It always took Rory's breath away. This one especially. 14K White Gold, 7/8 Carat total weight. It was amazingly beautiful. Small circular diamonds spread out on either side of the Princess cut diamond in the center. She turned to Jess and grabbed his arm. "I found it."

When she pointed it out to him, she watched a slow smile spread across his face. "It's perfect, Rory ... thank you."

"She's lucky, Jess. This is incredible," she said, smiling up at him.

Jess grinned at her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close, placing a kiss on her cheek. "You're the best."

* * *

Jess pulled up in the driveway and cut off the car, deciding to give Haven more time with her mom. He turned and looked at Rory. "Why did you come, Rory?"

"You asked me to," Rory said, furrowing her brow in confusion. "I want to be there for you and for Have-"

"No," Jess cut her off. "Why did you come to Philadelphia?"

She sighed, leaning back against the seat. He just watched her, waiting for an answer. He had learned to be patient as he grew up. At age twenty-seven, he learned that he had to wait for what he wanted.

"I was fired," Rory said, her voice cracking slightly. "From my job. Me. Rory Gilmore. Miss Over-Achiever ... was fired."

Jess stared at her, his face growing more sympathetic as she spoke. He opened his mouth to say something, but she beat him to the punch.

"I've never failed at something this bad," Rory said, her eyes watering. "He said I didn't have what it takes. So Mitchum was right all along. I'm not good."

"That's not true," Jess said, quickly. "I've read your stuff, Ror. You're good. I don't know what the hell happened, but don't say you don't have what it takes. We've been through this."

"Then why was I fired? I just- I came here, because you know me. You know me better than anyone does and you know what I can do. Tell me what I'm good at, Jess," Rory said, wiping her eyes as the tears starting to come.

"You're a writer. That's you," Jess said, watching her. "And you'll always be a writer. Don't give up. Please don't give up."

Rory could only nod, keeping her eyes in front of her and not daring to look at him. "I just want to stay in Philadelphia for a while, okay?"

"No problem," Jess said. "We want you here. And if you need a place to stay the Truncheon apartment has a spare room upstairs."

She still didn't dare to look at him as she mumbled a soft: "Thank you."

* * *

_I wanna run to you _  
_Won't you hold me in your arms, _  
_And keep me safe from harm?_  
_I wanna run to you,_  
_But if I come to you _  
_Tell me, will you stay or will you run away?_

* * *

_Review?_


End file.
